No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
