my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
