So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
