i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
