Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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