I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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