what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
