is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
