Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
