The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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