My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I lost the right to judge tonight
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize