i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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