i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
