He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
