4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize