I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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