So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
