ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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