i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
