We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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