i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
