I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
