there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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