Screwed.edu
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
