i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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