Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
