Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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