new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize