i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
operation have a gay friend backfired
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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