I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
