I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
