why do cheetos always look like penises
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
this will be a night to untag.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
