hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
