I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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