a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
PANTIES FOUND
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