We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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