I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
