dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
