Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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