WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
