Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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