I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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