you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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