Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
