yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
