He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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