I looked at my own cervix.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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