My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
false alarm, still single
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
