So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
