yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
