i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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