i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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