the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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