eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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