Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
