Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
