This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize