He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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