But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
