fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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