how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
