my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
