My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize