I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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