Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
