it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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