I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
