everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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