she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I need a beard to bite.
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