Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We left the knife in your bed.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
