just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
