May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
