I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think I have vodka in my lungs
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
