Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
