i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize