Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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