Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize