You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
