Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
