I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
