Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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