If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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