i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
