I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
