I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
