Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
