Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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