im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
