The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
