If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize