I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
