i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
