is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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