we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
