why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize