I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
